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Anybody got a Glowing Keyboard?

Jazzer rants on the glowing qualities of Microsoft's Optical Mouse.

As always, I got rather excited when the package was delivered to my door. I pretend to myself that I buy things online to save money but I know it’s simply so I can have packages delivered to my door, allowing for much Christmas morning-type nonsense. On ripping the thing open I discovered that inside was a new Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer. Good thing too, since I’d ordered one.

It glows. The mouse – it glows. It’s cool. Honestly. I’ll get to that in a moment but first things first.

Installation was easy enough. Actually, it wasn’t, that’s a lie. Windows had a fit when it discovered the old mouse had gone and decided to freeze after I’d rebooted. This came as a little shock as the initial installation of the mouse and accompanying Intellipoint software seemed to go rather well. Being a USB rodent, Windows detected it the moment it was plugged in and promptly asked me for the drivers. As I was in a good mood I told it to look at the provided CD and off it went. Then I told Windows to forget about the old mouse. Maybe I should have done that first but logic got in the way and I thought it might be a pain to try install anything without a functioning mouse. Never mind, I will learn one day.

As I said, on reboot Windows froze before even starting a session, forcing me to use the power button. One scandisk later and I reinstalled the new Intellipoint software. Another reboot and all was well.

Everything having settled down I went about testing the mouse. It’s got a smooth action. The response is excellent. The physical footprint of the mouse is quite large which suits me having large hands but may be a problem for dwarfs, infants and people who’ve been shrunk by an evil witch. There’s 5 buttons, two of which I’ll probably never use. The wheel in the centre is much smoother than it’s predecessor and has a nice weighted feel to it. What the hell is there to say about a mouse? Well, have I mentioned that it glows?

Yes, it glows. The reason for such pyrotechnical behaviour is because of the LED underneath the mouse in place of where the ball would usually be. This LED is vital to how the thing works as it’s through this that the mouse detects movement. In other words, it has no ball. Indeed, gone is the need to scratch around the hole underneath your mouse, collecting dead skin and sweat under your fingernails. Then again, I’m sure someone out there will miss that.

Another advantage of this LED business is that the mouse will work on almost any surface. I’ve tested it on wood, plastic, paper, cloth and female rump and I can tell you that this boast is in fact true. You’ll obviously need to find a surface that gives you the right smooth action – fortunately my desktop provides just that. Oh, and you can still use it on an ordinary mouse mat but that’s obviously only for perverts.

Overall, it’s a well made, stylish (if you like that sort of thing), functional piece of kit. Forget all that though. The simple reason that this mouse has got so much attention is because it glows. You pick it up, it stops glowing. You put it down, it starts glowing again. People walk into the room and say, “Hey, your mouse is glowing!” It’s really that simple. Unless you’re allergic to the crap that collects in the undersides of a normal mouse or you have a real yearning to use your mouse on something made out of wool, there’s no real need for it. It’s a good mouse but it’s not an essential one.

It came, it glowed, we all bought the damn thing. You figure it out. Ah, look – it glowed at me. Now, what was I saying again?

Later,
Jazzer

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